Milky Foot: footopia is just an acid bath away

I've always had a Stepmother/Cinderella relationship with my feet. I considered them "working" appendages, existing only to do my bidding for little thanks and zero respect. Treat 'em mean keep 'em keen! As such, they didn't have to look glamourous or even "pretty". Cracks in my theory set in however... around the same time as cracks started appearing around my heels. Ugly stepsister feet be damned- it was time to rectify the situation!

I tried electric pedi-exfoliators, salves, creams, sweet talking. It helped... kind of... but I wanted to seal those cracks fast and return my old dogs back to beautiful puppies.

Chewing Gum for the Eyes- Milky Foot for the feet:

Late night tv and I have kind of bonded this year (a post for another time) and it's amazing how many advertisements for foot products happen near the crack of dawn. That's how I discovered Milky Foot. Peel your way to perfect footsies- yes please!

The packaging is a little disturbing- baby feet? It's an exfoliator not a time machine- but I suppose it's meant to be metaphorical. I'm keen to get started!

Gettin' the Skinny On the Exfoliator: 

They give the exfoliating agent a nice, fuzzy name on the packaging. If you check out the actual ingredients, it's a concoction of acids: lactic this, glycolic that. Beauty is pain, no pain no gain etcetera, so I wasn't deterred. I mean, it's not going to contain magical pixie dust right? Something heavy duty is going to have to slew off that fugly foot facade and we all knew it wasn't going to be pretty. Cutting open the tops of the plastic "socks", I find the contents have a faintly 'burn-your-nostrils' aroma. It's not that bad though. Dipping my feet into those plastic booties makes me think of mafia hit men disposing of bodies in baths of acid. Okay okay, so it's not as extreme as that, but the theory is much the same. I'm about to "melt away" the ugly exterior of my tired dogs to reveal the venus de milo within.

There's a very mild tingling at first then pretty much nothing. Flash forward to an hour long soak, boot removal and the warm rinse. My soles look slightly swollen, feel slightly sunburned (acid soak people!) and look alien smooth, but there's no drastic change. This isn't a 'quick fix' solution. Clearly the best- and the worst- is yet to come...

Day One:

Seeing no change, I scratch at the foot for signs of peeling. My dogs growl in warning. They're tender and in no mood to roughhouse. I know it's best to let sleeping hounds lie.

The instructions do emphasise you shouldn't try to pull and pluck at the peeling skin- let alone attack it with a pumice stone- which I read one reviewer did even before the skin had started peeling. I consider her either very brave or very foolish- yeah, she's the latter methinks. Seriously, is she masochistic? Who drags jagged cement over acid traumatised skin?

The instructions do say it will take 3 days after using for skin to peel. I moisturise my feet and go about my day.

Day Two:

There's a suspicious crinkled look to the heel and sole area but nothing else. I'm getting a little Veruca Salt about the peeling. Oh well, it did say 3 days...

Day 3

The baby feet picture on the packaging couldn't be further from the truth. If I flex my foot, there's crinkles ahoy. Can heels have crow's feet?

I'm still waiting for the peeling. I'd signed up for disgusting, medical-freak-show skin shedding. Looks like my feet are going to be late bloomers. In an age of instant gratification, Milky Foot is bucking the trend...

Day 4

The tiniest bit of peeling beneath the one toe. Paranoia is setting in. Could Milky Foot be nothing more than a classic case of this?

Day 5

So this happened:

I hope you appreciate the gentle, non offensive visual metaphor for major underfoot peeling.

I've read a lot of other M/F users complain at how offensive, itchy or disgusting this part of the process was. I have to say, either they exaggerated, or a bit "princessy" (you know the kinds of people I mean- they squeal at the sight of a moth or think that exploring the outdoors is "icky"). 

Pretty much once the patches of peeling appeared, some repeated foot soaking in very warm water, followed by some massaging, removed about 90% of the evidence. 

Here's some things others wrote about their M/F experience that again, I am putting down to "princess" syndrome:

You can walk around in flip flops without fear of looking foot fugly or dropping skin- it's a peel- not leprosy. 

Peeling doesn't linger. Someone said their feet peeled for an entire month- which I find just so improbable. Even harsh facial peels don't do that.

Annoyingly, I'd booked a voucher for a beauty treatment on this day- which included a foot spa. I had to 'fess up to the lovely beautician about my "condition"- so no spa treatment. She was very excited to learn more about Milky Foot. She said she'd been looking for a product that did this and even made me write the name and purchase locations down. 

I've still got some peeling along the sides to go. Does my foot look "milky"? Well, the skin looks pale and new but I haven't time machined my way back to pristine feet.

The Verdict:

I'm happy with the results, and will do this again in a few month's time.

Googling pictures of Milky Foot exemplars is at best, discouraging, and at worst, downright vomit inducing. All you need to know is that it works, but it's not a forever cure. I've read people who've companied they have to repeat it every few months. Hmm. We shave, wax, pluck, scrub and dollop parts of our body daily- all the while knowing that irksome hair, skin or blemish will return eventually. We don't toss aside the tweezers or point accusingly at our razors. Beauty- like fitness and the latest cool slang- requires constant upkeep and monitoring. The prince of silky this and hairless that is eternal vigilance.